Falling Into Shadows
by SingingSorrows
Summary: This story picks ups while Maerad and Cadvan are traveling the Gwalhain Pass. But what happens when Maerad does the unthinkable? And how will Cadvan react while battling his deepening feelings for his young pupil?
1. Chapter 1

Cadvan and Darsor walked ahead of Maerad and Imi. They had kept up a punishing pace sense they had crossed paths with the two Bards. Oh how Maerad regretted killing Ilar of Desor. That brief flash of victory she felt when Ilar crumpled to the ground, eyes empty of all life. That small, perfectly dark circle on the center of her forehead where Maerads power had struck her. Ilar's companion, Namaridh, he had looked at Maerad with hate. Disgust

Fear.

By the Light, that hurt more than anything. She wanted no one to fear her. Yet she had accomplished it with no more than a thought. Summoning up a bolt of White Fire and striking a Bard down. Using a tool of the Light to do it was repulsive. Cadvan had been furious-and still was if his silence and stony disposition was saying anything. They had left Namaridh knowing nothing of what had happened. Forgetting that he ever crossed paths with Cadvan of Lirigon and Maerad of Pellinor, leaving him to carry his friends body back to those who loved her.

_Maerad of Pellinor. The Chosen One. I deserve not such a grand name. I was better off just Maerad. A slave. Worth no more then filth._

In killing Ilar, Maerad feared that she had also killed herself. She had lost the love of Cadvan, her dearest friend. Silvia would probably hate her for it if she ever found out. And…Hem. What would he think? That his big sister was just as bad as one of the 'Black Bards,' the name he had given to the Hulls who had held him in their cruel keep.

_If I could only turn back time_….

She knew she would have to live with her actions, but what if she didn't wish to live at all? Ever since she had killed Ilar she had felt….dirty. Like evil was curling around her soul. Dark smoke coating all that made her Maerad. Stealing the Light out of her. Leaving evil in its wake. She constantly wanted to lash out at Cadvan's straight back and watch him fall to the ground the same way that that annoying Bard fell. Such thoughts terrified her.

Maerad ached to discuss these urges with Cadvan, but alas, he was not speaking to her. When they set up camp he merely looked at her, eyes sternly telling her what to do. He couldn't even say a word. Not a command. No expressions. No laughter. His face never changed from its cold mold, his scar livid across his angry face.

He hated her.

In much the same way she hated herself at the moment.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Thoughts pelted Maerads mind, sad thoughts, as she tried restlessly to fall asleep.

_What if the only reason Cadvan had ever even given the semblance of caring for me was because I am the One? What about Silvia? Did she only take care of me because she felt sorry for me? Or because I reminded her of her dead daughter? And Hem? I was his sister but was that the only reason we bonded ? Because we were all each other had? _

_Did anyone love me for me? Love me because I am Maerad? _

_Dernhil. He might have cared, but was it only lust that had moved him so? In my experiences that was the only thing that drove a man to say he loved you._

_But there was no such thing as love. Nothing. It was all a lie._

_Everything a lie. _

_Maybe the Dark was the lesser of two evils. They didn't even try to say that love was real. Only that hate is real, and that was something I could easily believe. _

_Hmmm. The Dark is so much more appealing than the Light. They wouldn't even give me the false pretense of caring. That meant no heartache for me when they shoved me aside. _

_They wouldn't treat me like dirt for killing that pestering Bard either. They would congratulate me on getting rid of such a nuisance._

_Maybe I had already crossed the boundary to the Dark side. I felt it inside, did I not? That dark, chilling mist. The vacant void of shadows._

_Yes, I shall walk a darker path from now on, if no one cares for me, then why should I care for them?_

Finally, Maerad fell into a deep slumber while Cadvan looked on.

He cared for her more then he could say, but when she had killed Ilar, it terrified him. Her face had been cold as she watched the other Bard fall. Cadvan had reproved her angrily, apologizing to Namaridh for Maerads foolhardy action, and the wanton killing of Ilar of Desor. He had not really talked to Maerad since then. Alas he didn't know what to say, when she killed Ilar, it was like something had changed inside Maerad and it worried him sick.

It was like a cloak of darkness had been thrown over her, smothering the Light and calling out to the Dark. And just now as she slept, he could see the evil growing, spreading and it made him all the more worried.

What was happening to his student? His dearest friend? The person he felt knew him better than anyone.

The person he loved with all his heart, but could never tell her so in fear of losing her all together. And now this death had driven a wedge between them. A wedge, he thought, that he had only driven deeper by his silence. He didn't know what to say to her.

His love overrode all common sense. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and hold onto her frail frame tightly, to try with all his might to protect her from the cruel ways of life. To tell her that she would be all right. But to tell her such would be a lie. He knew that she would suffer no matter how much he tried to prevent such from happening. And if he did not reprimand her for her actions, then what if she got careless and repeated the action?

He sighed deeply, looking up at the midnight blue sky, searching its shimmering jewels for Ilion, the candescent star that Maerad had told him that she had looked for every morning while she was still a slave. His heart burned when he thought of all the pain that she had endured there. She had only told him of her habit when he caught her gazing up at the sky while the sun began to rise for yet another day. Seemingly embarrassed by her admission that Ilion was what carried her through from day to day. It represented freedom and strength to her. No one owned it and no matter the sorrows it had witnessed it still had the courage to rise and set with vigor, not letting anyone or anything repress it's glow.

_I can only hope to be that strong, she had whispered, voice cracking with fear. He had told her that she was already that strong. She had faced impossible odds, and conquered them all when a lesser being would have ran away. She had given him a small smile, one that had told him that she didn't believe a word he had said. _

_Maerad tossed in her sleep, murmuring something unintelligible. A dark lock of her raven's wing black hair spilled across her smooth, pale face. She was so beautiful it hurt. How he longed to reach over and gently brush the thick strands away from her sleeping face. But what if he scared her? Startled her out of her slumber? He knew that she still harvested fears of men. And who could blame her really? Those thugs of Gilman's had without a doubt tried to assault her numerous times. But she had used their fear that she was a witch to keep them at bay. _

_He hated them for making her fear love. The most precious gift that a human can give. The gift he wished to bestow upon Maerad, but he was terrified that she would turn her head away in disgust, her face showing mistrust. He wouldn't be able to take her reaction. And wouldn't be able to abide it if she left him. _

_But how long could he go without out telling her his feelings? _

_And when he did, what if it was too late? _

_What if he died before the words left his lips?_

_Or the unthinkable…_

_What if Maerad, his precious Maerad, was killed?_


	2. Chapter 2

Maerad clung to the evil within her. Trying desperately to ignore the pain that blossomed in her breast every time Cadvan turned his face away from her. It hurt too much to think of just how much he must hate her for killing that Bard.

He still wouldn't say anything.

If anything his silence had deepened.

_Was he going to leave her?_

She was beginning to believe that he would. No, she was certain that he would. She was after all, worthless. Just eating the scarce supply of food they had and taking up space. He would be better off without her.

So to lessen the blow of parting from him she too closed herself off in much the same way he had. With one slight difference. But that dissimilarity was much more then slight if you truly looked at Maerad's aura. Sure she was just as quiet as her former best friend, she turned her brilliant blue eyes away from his crystal clear cobalt blue ones without ever seeing the person those eyes belonged to.

But _inside _of her a fierce battle was being waged between the Light and the Dark. The shadowy tendrils struck out like whips, ingraining themselves upon her soul, while the light shined as bright as it could, trying to burn away the impurity of the darkness that was spreading like an infectious disease.

Maerad's temper was constantly wavering. One moment she would completely understand why Cadvan did not wish to speak to her and the next she would want to beat the living pulp out of him and watch the light flicker and die in the mighty Cadvan of Lirigon.

More and more often the Dark inside of her was asserting itself. And instead of fighting it she was slowly letting it take control, leaving her feeling powerful, as if she could never be struck down. Such supremacy was intoxicating and addicting.

It wouldn't be long until she let the darkness snuff out her tiny glowing ember of light that was still burning inside the shades of black. Then Maerad of Pellinor would be no more. She would be replaced by an empty vessel that felt nothing.

That numbing nothingness was calling to her. Its legato voice singing to her, making her walk towards it, even if she wished to go the other way, it would have been imposable. The call was too strong to refuse.

Maerad knew it wouldn't be long before the transformation from Light to Dark would be over, and a slight, cold smile danced across her thinly pressed lips.

O-x-O-xO-x-O

Cadvan noticed the evil looking smile on Maerads once beautiful. That beauty was dying alongside the goodness that rested in Maerads heart. He had watched the shadows leak into his pupils soul. What was happening to her, he did not know.

Their increasing silence was like a thorn in his side. A constant throb of pain. Maerads mind was releasing intense surges of hate and anger, and he suspected that those feelings were directed at him. They were so different from his own.

His love for Maerad was growing, even in this hated quiet. He thought he was going to loose her and so his feelings were becoming more intense.

_What if instead of dying she simply fell into the Darkness? _

Cadvan knew that that had become his greatest fear of all. That instead of loosing her life battling Sharma beside him, she would _join him._ That would hurt worse by far, and fear coursed hotly through his veins at seeing the light being diminished within her.

_How could I bare to loose her now? After just realizing that I loved her? After finding out that she completed him in a way that even Ceredin couldn't have, how could he ever let her go?_

He couldn't. And he didn't plan on ever having to let go of her. Even if she decided to serve the unforgiving evil that was the Dark, he would always try to be there. He would try to bring her back to the Light.

And if she fell in love with a man that was not him…

He do his best to keep his feelings to himself so that she could be happy, even if he thought that he could make her happier.

But for now he_ had_ to talk to her, before she did give in to the enticing call of the shadows. He didn't know just what he was going to say to Maerad. Maybe he would talk of their journey together. How he hoped that she knew that killing Ilar was wrong. How sorry he was for remaining silent for so long and increasing tension between them. How she was his best friend.

How he loved her.

_No. I can't tell her that. She will hate me then, if she doesn't already_.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan looked off across into the distance at the snow capped mountains of the Gwalhain Pass and couldn't help but thinking that Maerads heart was beginning to match the icy scenery. He had to talk to her, but kept putting conversation off.

_I will talk to her when we reach the pass._

He turned his head and glanced at his friends face. _How despondent she has grown, _he thought to himself, _and it's all my fault. I kept silent when I should have talked. I have rebuked her too harshly and now she is just a… shadow of herself._

Maerad caught his look and glared at him. Why was he looking at her with such sad eyes? Did he feel sorry for her? Or was he sad for taking her on as his pupil?

Cadvan quickly turned his head at her scowl and went back to studying the Pass.He swore at himself silently. How could he have let this happen? Let this anger build?

He vowed to talk to her when they made their next stop. Judging by the ever darkening skies that would be soon.

_He would talk to her. _

_Before it was too late and she was lost to him forever._


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok, you people are getting lucky, two new chapters in two days! Well honestly I wouldn't have even written this chapter if my track meet hadn't been canceled because of snow. So show your appreciation by reviewing! Seriously, you people are lazy! (I had to put this in, when I say 'lazy' I don't mean it, I am a highly sarcastic person by nature and light insults are something that the people at my school use a lot between their friends, and basically anyone else who comes along. They don't mean anything. I sort of forgot that some people might not take it this way. So if my comment bothered you at all, I hope that you'll understand when I say that it's habit and I'm sorry.) By the way I would like to thank xKiagax for reviewing every chapter in my story. **_**I am very thankful for your comments! **_**I'd also like to thank mischy22 for reviewing also!**

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Bitter cold winds howled around the two solemn riders. The horses, a majestic black and a sturdy grey, were being pushed to their limits by their riders. The tall man astride the black turned and waved to the smaller, more slender rider and then pointed ahead to a shallow cave. Both steeds pushed forward with a new urgency, as if they new that shelter was near.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Maerad could no longer feel her chapped face. The cold had long since left it numb with its awful, gusting winds. Her hands too, felt like blocks of ice, she was starting to believe that they would never release the worn leather reins.

Ever since she and Cadvan had entered the Pass, Maerad felt as though something was lurking behind them, waiting for them to lessen their caution. Something evil. Though for all Maerad knew, it could be her own darkness billowing out behind them.

Maerad was beginning to hate the Gwalhain Pass with a venomous passion. The weather had steadily gotten worse and the snow was blinding. All that could be seen was the hated white upon white. Hail was also a problem. Black ugly bruises covered every inch of Maerads body. Imi fared no better. Her once sleek, healthy coat was now dull and knotted with blood, where she used to walk with liveliness she now kept her head down and plodded ahead wearily. Even the proud arch in Darsors neck wasn't as distinct.

Maerad was worried about the horses, though not for Cadvan. He could bleed until his veins ran dry. Or froze. Which ever happened first. Their tense silence had remained constant. As did the growing wall of evil inside Maerads heart. She didn't understand how he could still sit with perfect posture upon Darsors wide back. But then again, she had seen time and time again the perseverance of the mighty Cadvan. She herself, was hunched against violent gales that carried knife sharp shards of ice.

He turned his head around to look at her. For a fraction of a second Maerad thought that she had spoken her sentiments out loud, but he just waved her forward with his hand and pointed to a slight outcropping in the mountainside.

_Shelter._ Her mind whispered. The thought seemed foreign after traveling so long with just a cloak to protect her from the elements. All Maerad wanted to do was curl up by a warm fire, watch its flickering golden tongues, and steadily let her gaze become unfocussed until she drifted off into the blissful arms of sleep. The harsh reality of the world was too much to contemplate, especially when people expected her to save it from Sharma.

And when she was slumbering she didn't have to think about the gap that had grown between her and Cadvan. It hurt to much. So much so that she shoved it into the back of her mind while she was conscious, instead bringing forth and focusing on her fury at her once beloved friend.

Just thinking about how he treated her - as if she were inferior - made her want to lash out. She made one mistake! And regretted it profusely! Yet still he treated her with disdain. She couldn't bring herself to talk to him. So what could she do? This distance between them was becoming too much.

_So kill him. _A slick voice suggested. Maerad jumped and looked around her. Nothing. No one except Cadvan and Darsor.

_Kill him for treating you so. As if one as powerful as you is below his line of sight._ The voice was within in her, Maerad realized with a jerk.

_He deserves to die. _Maerad reached for the voice but it slipped away, leaving behind a trail of slime that threaded through and across her mind. She searched within herself, for whatever or whoever it was that was fouling her thoughts with dirt.

_Kill him._ Kill who? Then it clicked. Kill Cadvan. The suggestion was perfect. Never again would she have to see his disproving face.

_Kill him!_ The voice cried out with a new urgency. The dark mist within Maerads soul rose at its call. Yes, she would kill Cadvan of Lirigon.

But a tiny flicker of light within her screamed, _No!_

The shadows turned on that spark with the speed of a coiled cobra. But the flame refused to be extinguished, Cadvan was her friend, he saved her from slavery, nurtured her when she was in hurting.

Showed her that a man could love her without causing her pain.

_Then why does he ignore you now? He hates you. Despises you. The sight of your face makes him sick. He doesn't care for you! He never has. When will you realize that your just a pathetic tool of the Light?_

The words cut deeply. _They were true. So true. _Pain wracked through Maerads already shaking body. Never had she felt a feeling so thoroughly. It was as if she was drowning in a river of sadness, and that river was made of her tears. The water kept rising as her tears kept flowing. Rapids rushed around her, tossing her against the rocks that represented the impossible obstacles in her life. The water was dark with the shadows of her past. Her hate.

That tiny flicker of light that had stood before the dark so bravely, wavered and died.

That one thread that had kept Maerad grounded broke and she fell from Imi's back and onto the road.

She was in a deep coma before her head ever touched the ground. Breathing stilled.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan halted Darsor when he realized that he could no longer feel Maerad and Imi following behind them. He squinted his eyes through the assaulting torrent of snow.

What happened? Where did she go? His mind screamed at him as his panic began to build. It would have been easy for Imi to misstep and fall over the steep edge, sending both her and Maerad plummeting down the endless mountain side to their deaths.

"Maerad!" He yelled, but his voice was lost in the on slot of the wind. Terror shot through him in fresh bolts.

In his mind, he reached out to her. No answer. Nothing.

"Imi!" He tried calling out in the Speech, hoping reverently that Imi would answer him.

Again silence.

Then he heard Imi answer him in a panicked call demanding for him to help their friend.

What had happened to Maerad? Was she okay? Was she hurt? A million different scenarios played through his mind of what might have went about.

One thing he couldn't and wouldn't let himself believe was that she was dead. She couldn't be.

_Could she?_

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Ok, what did ya think? I know that as of now it sounds a lot like the **_**Riddle**_** but it **_**will**_** change soon, I just don't wont to rush it! So be patient, please. I don't know when I'll find the time to post again. I have a ton going on now between track, school and chorus. Hehehehehe, I'm going to All State Chorus(a lot of time is going to that)! I'll try to write some more though late at night when I'm finished with everything, I promise. Well, I guess it depends on if you all actually want me to continue writing this, cause I just don't know anymore. ****J **


	4. Chapter 4

_Dark vines ensnared Maerads mind in their thorny grasp. She couldn't move. And her thoughts were not her own. Mirthless laughter echoed in her pounding skull, ricocheting off the walls of her mind. The Maerad who had once been, now ceased to exist. This being that now rested in Maerad of Pellinor's slender body was pure evil, a darkness so foul that the noxious fumes of its soul were lethal. _

_The real Maerad was locked behind thick bars that contained all of her goodness and her pure heart that pulsed with Light. Its blinding luster cast a silvery shade of illumination across the sorrowful planes of Maerads mind. She still had a semblance of thought and a slight notion of what was right and what was wrong, but her airy voice couldn't be heard over the shadows deafening roar. _

_What had she done to herself?_

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan found Maerads limp body sprawled across the icy ground. For several _long_ seconds he couldn't breath.

_Was _she_ breathing?_ The question shook him into immediate action. He slid off Darsors back and half ran/half slid to Maerads still form. Bending down beside her he took her wrist in his numb hands and searched for a pulse.

Nothing.

Desperately he pressed two of his long musicians fingers against the artery in her slender neck.

Nothing.

Thoroughly panicked now he called out to her mind.

"_Elednor!"_

He heard no reply.

Then a slight stirring. Not quite an answer, but a feeling.

Was his love still alive? He lowered his head close to her rose petal mouth, where her full lips were a horrifying shade of blue.

_There! _Cadvan could ever so slightly hear shallow breathing.

_She's not dead. She's not dead. Not dead. Not dead, not dead, notdeadnotdead.. _His thoughts were going to fast for him to comprehend, blending together till they resembled a infants baby babble.

Relief flooded his mind. That was the one thing that allowed him to gently, yet urgently pick up Maerads cold body. Carefully he set her on Darsors back while he climbed up behind her. Lovingly he held her tightly to his chest, preventing her from falling. It made for awkward riding, but he preferred being uncomfortable to Maerad falling and injuring herself further.

The slight cave that he had spotted earlier wasn't that far ahead. He pushed Darsor on through the cutting wind with Imi following close at their heels. _What had happened?_ Cadvan didn't know the answer to his own question so he shoved it aside and kept a vigilant watch for any threat. He couldn't help but believe that someone or something had attacked his precious Maerad.

"_Imi, what happened? Did you see anything? Feel anything?" _he questioned the shivering animal for the thousandth time. Always, she replied 'no'.

The next time he asked her, she gave him a firm bite on the arm.

"_I have told you 'no' more times than I can count. I know you are worried about Maerad, and so am I, but let us get her to shelter before you start questioning me again."_

Cadvan shut his mouth and hurried Darsor on faster. They were so close to shelter.

It seamed like ages before Cadvan got to dismount and carry a still unconscious Maerad into the small shelter. Throwing caution to the wind, Cadvan lit a fire with no worry about who would see it. Maerad was more important.

In the soft glow of the fire, Maerads pale face looked all the more colorless.

Cadvan took off her wet cloak and wrapped several of their thick blankets around her, keeping her as close to the fire as possible. She still showed absolutely no sign of consciousness, her still form was eerie. He looked at her face with anxiety. Her once animated face was now slack and empty, and she looked…dead. He shook the thought away, he couldn't think like that. She was alive, and would continue to be so.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan was eating a stale piece of bread, even though he wasn't hungry and the food was like sawdust on his tongue. It at least gave him something to do. Then he saw Maerads head move and a low moan escaped her dry lips.

He dropped the bread and hurried over to her side.

"Maerad? Maerad? Do you hear me?" He asked her urgently.

"Huh? What?" she mumbled sleepily.

_She answered me! Finally, she is awake!\_

All Cadvan wanted to do was take her into his arms and never let her go. Yet he refrained himself. But just barely.

"Maerad, can you sit up?" He inquired gently. Slowly she nodded and he helped her up by placing his muscled arms around her back and pulling her closer to him. The warmth from her closeness was intoxicating and arousing. Never had he been so relieved as he was now. She was warm with life, and that was how she would stay.

"Let me go." her words were venomous and he barely recognized her voice. Shock flooded his veins, but he did not let go, if he did she would fall back to the ground.

"Maerad, I"

"I said let me go." she interrupted him in a flat tone.

Slowly she turned her head to look at him. And he nearly dropped her in alarm.

Her eyes.

They were not Maerads eyes.

They weren't that astounding shade blue that had captured him with their beauty.

These eyes were black. You couldn't even see her pupil, the iris was so dark. They held no feeling, no warmth to speak of.

They were simply an evil void in which darkness reined supreme.

What had happened?


	5. Chapter 5

**Ok people, I couldn't decide what direction to take this chapter, so I just went with my original vision. The first time I wrote this chapter it was completely different. I couldn't decide which to use. I think maybe I'll start doing alternates. As in you can choose which direction to take Maerad. I don't know. But if you think that this chapter is crap and I should do the whole alternate thing, tell me and I'll post both. Might take longer, cause I'm not going to place one without the other, but it will be more fun! So just tell me what you think. ****

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_Maerads soul couldn't bare the war inside any longer. So it did the only thing it could do to stop it all. It stopped existing. There was no 'bye-bye Maerad'. It just happened. It couldn't be helped, this metamorphose, and once set into place it couldn't be reversed. _

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Maerad felt empty. Like everything had been taken from her. Her voice. Her soul. Her mind.

Her heart.

Nothing was there. All she was, or had been was no longer. Even her yearning for the Dark was gone. Replaced by an endless span of nothingness.

Inside her there was no waging battle of supremacy between the Light and Dark. It was almost a relief not to feel the searing truth behind each power. That she had to choose between one or the other. That in her choice she would leave something behind. Whether it be the freedom to do as she wished and face no consequences if she chose the Light. Or leaving behind friends and her brother if she sided with the Dark. Now there was no in between.

There was simply this.

'This', being made of nothing but a foggy grey that was present and yet…not. The only word to describe it would be numb.

Though this place filled her with relief, it also took away the meaning of the life and destroyed all the reasons to live.

Maerad felt no hate and she felt no love. She was nothing. The world was nothing. Others were nothing. There was nothing.

All memories were erased.

Her future too, was erased.

And as she looked at the one named Cadvan, there was no recognition, no love, no hate.

_Nothing_.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan stared at the onyx colored eyes, as clear and endless as a perfectly cut gemstone.

_What happened? What?_ He questioned himself over and over in the space of a minute. _What?_

Instead of looking just surface deep into the eyes, he tried to see the soul behind the deadened black mirrors, looking for the young woman who had captured his heart. She was there, she had to be. Yet, there was nothing to be seen. She didn't even acknowledge his presence now, after telling him to let go, which he still hadn't. But there came no more vocal commands, she just stayed unresponsive in his arms, eyes still focused on his face and yet looking through him.

"Maerad?" still no reply. This was all his fault and he knew it. If only he hadn't been so distant. So lacking in comfort, she wouldn't be like this, with eyes like polished coal.

Then she moved.

She did not speak a word as she crawled away from him. He didn't move, though every cell in body urged him to grab her and keep her from falling.

But common sense overrode his heart. This wasn't Maerad. Not in body, or in soul. So he knew not what _this_ Maerad was capable of. His first assumption, that she had been completely turned over to the Dark, was something he was beginning to doubt. An agent of Sharmas would not act like this, they wouldn't be this calm, they would be trying to kill him even if they had just been injured. She wasn't.

Though she wasn't Dark, he didn't believe her to be Light either. The eyes proved that.

He looked at her small form, now huddled in a corner of the cave like an animal, and sadness pierced his already sore heart.

"Maerad," he spoke gently, and got no reaction from her. Those eyes now gazed out into the raging storm, with disinterest.

"What is the point of existing, when you have nothing to exist for?"

Startled, Cadvan glanced at her. _She spoke_. But the words held no emotion what so ever. He wouldn't have even thought she was asking a question if not for the wording. Truthfully, such a question scared him, as did her tone.

"You have everything to exist for Maerad. Think of Silvia and Hem," here he paused and choked out the next part, "think of me." a deep breath and he continued, " Everything. Everyone. You are young, and many would miss you if you were gone." anger was starting to boil inside of him, how could she even talk like this? "You exist for yourself too." he stopped speaking as she slowly raised her hand, as if it was held down by the weight of the world.

"Your wrong." a soft chuckle escaped her lips, it held no joy.

"None of you actually care. You say you do, but you don't. It's all lies. Life. Friendship. Love. All of it. Empty of all meaning." her face didn't change with her words and neither did her voice. All of it steady, cold and distant as she continued to look outside, as if she could see something he couldn't.

Cadvan couldn't speak. _She doesn't think that any of us care?_

Slowly Maerad stood, and walked to edge of the cave, continuing her scrutiny of something. Or maybe it was nothing.

Another light laugh, as devoid of life as the first, floated back to his ears.

"You know the solution to all problems Cadvan of Lirigon?" at his silence she continued, "Of course you don't. Your to much of a coward to even consider it." again the snicker.

"What Maerad, pry tell is your so called solution?" he questioned, almost angrily. He still hadn't moved from his original sitting position on the ground.

"Death," she said in an even tone and started walking out of the cave.

_What?_ He thought, panicked. Then he realized his mistake of sitting down.

_She was staring outside, the long endless drop. Solution? Death._ By the Light, No! He had to be wrong.

He pushed himself off the ground, his movements rough and jagged with horror. He rushed out into the storm and could vaguely see a thin figure hovering at the edge of the drop that went on forever, ending with huge boulders at the bottom. If she fell she wouldn't survive it.

"Maerad! Don't!" He yelled at the top of his lungs, but his voice was torn away by the wind. He didn't dare rush her, less he only hurry on her jump. Slowly he moved closer to her.

She looked over her shoulder, and smiled, cocking her head.

Then she jumped.

He reached for her and missed.

She disappeared.

He hit the ground.

She was gone.

Forever.

And he was still here.

_Why?_

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**Dramatic cliff hanger? Don't you just hate me for leaving you hanging? Well this story is so not over, in fact its just begun. Anyway, tell me what you think about the whole alternate ending thing. I still don't know if I'll do it or not. This plot is really starting to grow on me.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello yet again. Would've gotten this posted sooner but there is just too much work to be done. I think I might have taken on too much, and it's spring break. I don't even won't to consider how busy I'm going to be once I get back into the classroom. But I always manage to get everything done somehow, even if it does kill me. I will continue to write late at night when saner people are asleep, so no worries there. Well, there might end up being more mistakes then usual, but that can be fixed later. But the last time I tried to fix a problem in one of the chapters after I posted it, I ended up deleting the whole story so…yeah. Hope you enjoy this chapter!**

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The fall was long, you couldn't even see the bottom. But without a doubt there would be serrated boulders at the end of the drop.

One step and all would be over. No more emptiness.

The solution to everything.

Death.

The end.

So that one stride was taken.

And soon everything was a blur.

The last clear thing she saw was that mans face twisted in horror and hopelessness.

Somewhere deep within the numbness there was a cry of outrage and rebellion. That slight cry tore through everything, growing in strength.

"_NO!"_

Fire was everywhere. Not one thing was spared from the blaze. Soon all the shadowed layers were burnt away, awash in a pure white light.

Maerad was Maerad.

Not a fraud that simply resided in her body.

Joy flooded her veins. No longer was she a prisoner in her own mind.

Then the realization hit.

She was _falling._

There was no way to stop.

Death was the only thing that awaited the now free Maerad.

She'd never get to tell Cadvan that she was sorry for everything.

That he _was_ her best friend…..and more.

A single tear was shed from Maerads eye before her raging emotions overwhelmed her body and she blacked out.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan couldn't move. He was frozen. Yet he was worried that if he did stand he would follow Maerads path over the edge of the cliff.

_She's gone._

He couldn't believe it. She couldn't be.

And yet she was.

Pain like he'd never felt before sliced through him. Hot tears worked their way down his face. Where the cold wind met their wet trails, numbness soon followed. He didn't notice. The one person he absolutely trusted and loved was gone forever, and he would never see her again until he too entered the Gates of Unreturn.

And if his heart had its way he would hurry that passing along before it was actually meant to come.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan stayed on the icy ground for some time, staring at the spot where he had last seen Maerads inhuman face. Her black eyes, stood out vividly in his mind. Desperately he tried to picture her ethereal cobalt blue eyes instead without much success. Why did the last thing he remembered of her have to be those soulless black eyes?

Why did the last moment he had with her have to be of them arguing?

Why did the last several days he spent with her have to days of hated silence?

_Why?_

There were too many 'whys'.

Too many things that he regretted.

Too many things he desperately wished he could change, and couldn't.

_She's really gone._

Unforgiving bursts of throbbing sorrow continued to assault him, same as racking sobs tore through his throat.

"_Cadvan." _Darsor nudged his friend with his velvety nose.

The friend in question either ignored the plea, or didn't hear him.

This time Darsor got a grip on Cadvans cloak and started tugging at him.

Slowly Cadvan rolled onto his back.

"_Leave me be Darsor," _he said in a hollow tone.

Darsor paid no heed to the words and gave the grieving man an unforgiving nudge in his side.

"_Leave me be!"_ he shouted at the top of his lungs, but the words cracked.

"_Friend, you had better get up before I drag you back into the cave. Both Imi and me are mourning for Maerad, same as you, but we have taken our sorrow back where there is warmth. You should do the same, and you will, for if you refuse, I _will_ make you." _Darsors words were gentle yet commanding. He would follow through with what he had said.

Cadvan refused to move.

So Darsor got a firm grip on the collar of the cloak, made sure that his companion would not choke and then proceeded to drag him back into the cave. Cadvan let out a string of curses, and fought Darsors hold, yet he couldn't get him to let go.

Soon they were back in the cave where Imi waited and lamented.

Cadvan moved to the corner and stared with sorrow at the snow outside. He kept picturing Maerads jump over and over, trying to figure out if there was anything he could have done differently to prevent her death.

Soon he brought out his lyre and proceeded to weave a song for Maerad, expressing his grief for her the best way he knew how.

_My heart is torn,_

_Loss is raw,_

_And you are gone from me._

_Oh, how long did it take me to see_

_That I truly loved the?_

_When Darkness rode the dawn_

_And its crimson blood broke the hills anon?_

_Why did I have to realize the truth_

_Once your breath was stilled?_

_Why did I put off telling you of my love?_

_Was it my silence that spilled your blood?_

_And now you are gone…._

Cadvan of Lirigon continued his song long into the night. He couldn't stop. He didn't want to stop, for if he did, that one little word would continue to be whispered in his already strained mind.

_Why?_

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Okay, I know that that poem/song could be better. But I'm not in the mood. Normally I would take my time on it….but I don't know. I do actually write a lot of poetry, but I have to feel like writing it. And write now I don't and I really won't have time to think for quite awhile. So you're going to have to make do with that shallow bit of words. I don't like it…but oh well. I hate myself for it. I mean, I hate repeating a word. And I ended up doing just that…grrrrr. Dang it. I will redo it later when I feel up to it.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey. Wow, I got this chapter up just a day after the last. Don't I rock? Anyway, I would like to thank all of y'all who reviewed on my last chapter. Man, when I turned on my computer today and saw how many emails I had, I thought my friends had decided to shove a bunch of nonsense funny junk on me again(yes, I did say again) but instead it was fan fiction stuff (me silently cheering), thank you so much for telling what you think, it really motivated me to hurry up with this chapter. You people are awesome!**

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Maerads mind was in turmoil. She didn't wish to die. In fact she desperately wanted to live. To see that in which she has not seen. To get to know Hem outside of a conflicting battle, in which they were both currently involved. To visit Innail again and trade light laughs with Silvia and Malgorn. To travel with Cadvan and get to know him even better.

But that was all about to end.

With one sullen fall.

All would be gone.

Dreams and hopes shattered as if they were nothing more than fragile glass.

Maerad had come to her senses, she had only been out for a matter of seconds.

The wind whistled around her falling body. How would she survive this? She had to. For Hem. For Silvia and Malgorn. For Cadvan. And for all of those who were looking to her to destroy Sharma and end the Great Silence.

She would live.

No longer was panic overriding all common sense.

She would not perish.

But how would she accomplish her will?

Alas she did not know and the ground was approaching mightily fast. First she would hit trees, not boulders as she had originally assumed. They would slow her fall. But the ground? She knew not the answer to that.

Again dread began to build up heavily in her chest. She couldn't stop this retched outcome, the first footfalls had already been taken and once taken, could not be reversed.

Her destruction had been set into motion.

Her vision began to grow distorted. Soon she could not see at all. Her mind had shut down again. No longer could she wonder about her fate, for her fate was swiftly approaching and she was out cold.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan laid listlessly on the ground, in the very corner where Maerad had last sat. He held his lyre close to his heart, he had been singing for hours. Or, it had felt like hours, though for all he knew it could have been a matter of minutes. Loss had made every moment drag.

Now his voice was gone, but he continued to mouth the aching words.

Bits and pieces of Cadvans last conversation with Maerad danced in his head.

"_What is the point of existing if there is nothing to exist for?"_

Cadvan could still picture her lonely silhouette, sitting deathly still right where he now rested.

"_None of you actually care. You say you do, but you don't. It's all lies. Life. Friendship. Love. All of it. Empty of all meaning."_

Maerads cold words had left a sensitive sore on his already hurt soul.

"_You know the solution to all problems Cadvan of Lirigon?"_

That one question.

"_Death."_

That one word answer.

Both cut him even deeper. If only he had been standing, he could have stopped her. He could have grabbed her and held her close.

But he hadn't.

And now he never would.

"_Cadvan?" _Darsor questioned gently, he was highly aware of his friends flimsy state of mind.

"_Cadvan, you must eat something. You need to take care of yourself."_

Cadvan turned his face away.

"_Why does it matter Darsor? I am not hungry. I do not feel thirst. The cold has yet to penetrate my skin. I do not wish to live, not with Maerad gone. She was the one person who has ever stayed with me for such a consecutive amount of time. I loved her, and I never told her of my love. Now she is dead and gone." _his words were filled the rampaging emotions that you could not see on his face. His expression had been slack since his fingers had ceased to stroke the cords of his instrument.

"_Cadvan, Maerad would not like to see you like this,"_ Darsor spoke what he knew was true, that being with the mirror like black eyes was not their Maerad. The real Maerad would care very deeply about Cadvans state of wellbeing, she would most certainly not like to see him like this. The sooner his friend realized this, the better off he would be.

Unfortunately, Cadvan, was as hard headed and oblivious as the stone that made this pass.

"_She jumped off the side of the cliff Darsor! Do you not realize that? She is dead because of me! I disregarded her need to talk about what happened with Ilar and she kept her feelings bottled up until they consumed her! Why would I want to eat? Why should I want to do anything? I deserve to die! Yet again I killed the woman I loved!" _Cadvan was now openly shedding tears, he couldn't take it. First with Ceredin. Now Maerad. Was he forever cursed to kill those he loved?

"_Cadvan, you are wrong. You have let grief take over your common sense. If you continue to speak in such a manner-or feel it for that matter-I will have no choice but to kick the common sense back into you."_ Darsor meant what he said, he had spoken with the strength of steel. He would carry through with the threat.

Cadvan did not answer. He simply stood and walked over to the cave opening. The storm was still pouring snow, but it was not as bad as it had been. When he squinted he could see the edge where Maerad had last stood.

_Why did she jump?_

Deep inside himself, Cadvan knew that the person that had leapt from that ledge was not Maerad, maybe in appearance, but not in heart. Yet he refused to acknowledge that thought. He knew that he had caused Maerads change, he had not been a friend to her, he had treated her as if she would always be there, following him like a faithful hound. But she was not a mangy cur that he could overlook. Yet he still had not spoken to her. Why had he done so? Was he truly a coward? Cadvan was beginning to believe that he was.

Slowly Cadvan began walking to the edge, his stride did not falter.

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**Ok. Last chapter? I was seriously out of it. I didn't go with my normal deep self (yeah, we all know how deep I am…..) and I lost a lot of my in depth details. I don't like that chapter too much so I shall not speak of the disgraceful piece. It go bye-bye. (ok, not really) I can't wait until everything I have going on is over. Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of what I do, it's just that I have a lot. Summer vacation is soooo close and yet soooo far! But just wait, I'll be saying that I can't wait to get back to school after a week of nothingness. Hmmmmmm. Am I fickle? La-da-de-la-da-day. Goodbye!**


	8. Chapter 8

Maerads breathing was rough and shallow with pain. It was as if the air refused to enter her aching body. She couldn't get enough and was slowly falling farther and farther away from the place where she believed she needed to stay. A soft light beckoned to her with a gracefully sculpted hand. Oh how she yearned to go to it and hold it fast in her own small insignificant palm. But something held her back. The longer she stared at it, the more intense the ache became.

Maerad knew the hand offered peace.

Quiet.

A relief from the pain.

But, was that soothing lull right for her?

Deep inside a soft, velvety voice whispered no. But it was only a slight murmur, nothing significant.

Not something that couldn't be ignored.

Slowly, as if every step cost her something, Maerad began moving forward.

Then she heard music.

A song so sad, that it pierced her heart deeply. The deep baritone voice of the singer was haunting, the sorrow it conveyed was unreal, never had she heard something so alluring and deep, as the song. She had paused to listen to the singer, the song seemed never-ending.

The story the words weaved was of a man who never got the chance to tell the woman he loved with all his heart, that he loved her. That he needed her always and forever.

And now, he would never get to tell her.

He blamed himself for her death.

He spoke of not listening when she needed him to listen the most.

He preached of a heart wrenching woe, that would never go away.

He sung of how he could not bear the weight of such grief, and of how he too desired to die.

Soon the voice faded away, as if it had never been. Her mind cried out in loss, how could such beauty disappear without a trace of its smooth notes?

Maerad wanted to find the singer of such a song, but where was he? Was that golden hand responsible for striking the cords on the lyre that she heard weaving together that stunning melody? Somehow she doubted it, though the hand held beauty, it was a cold loveliness and could not put voice to such feelings.

No. The song and its maker had come from the opposite direction.

_Back where I belong, _Maerad thought quietly to herself.

Only iron will allowed her to pull her icy blue gaze away from the golden light. She didn't belong there, not now. Maybe later, when it felt right and she had nothing else to live for.

Maerad had to push her legs hard to get them to even take a small step in the opposite direction then where they wished to tread.

But soon the light faded and she was walking back into a world where sorrow could be all consuming, hate could be demanding and love was a pleasure sweeter than the sweetest wines.

Maerad could, again, feel the pain fully, a pain that hurt more with every breath.

She was still dying.

She had only put off the inevitable, unless she were to receive help soon.

As Maerad began to black out again, one name came to mind, and she softly mumbled it with all the feeling she could muster.

"Cadvan."

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvans thoughts were in turmoil, he could not live without Maerad. She was everything to him.

_And now she's gone,_ his mind whispered pitilessly.

_Just one more step, and then it all will end,_ he told himself. One more step and he'd meet the same fate Maerad had, he had taken the same steps, and now he stood at the edge. There was only one difference between how Maerad had behaved then and how Cadvan acted now.

Cadvan wouldn't look back.

Then he heard his name called out, it sounded eerily like Maerads voice, while one foot dangled in open air, nothing below it.

Startled, Cadvan lost his balance and began tipping forward, then something latched onto his black cloak and stilled his flailing.

"_Darsor,"_ he said knowingly, then Cadvan was dragged roughly back to the cave and dumped unceremoniously onto the ground.

"_You are an idiot my friend,"_ Darsor said coldly, _"If you ever try to pull such a stunt again I will kick you into unconsciousness and drag you back to one of the schools, preferably Innail," _Darsor was completely serious and anger colored his prophetic words.

Cadvan paid no attention what so ever to his friend, he was to busy thinking about the voice.

It was Maerads voice, Cadvan knew, and he didn't think that he was imagining it into being, a part of him, his Knowing, told him that she was still alive.

But how could that be? No one could survive that fall.

Could they?

Desperately Cadvan wished for his Knowing to be correct, that somehow she was alive, he didn't care about the 'how's' anymore. He only cared about Maerads heart beating.

Cadvan jumped as pain blossomed in his arm.

Darsor had bit him and bit him hard.

"_Are you even listening to me, you stupid imbecile?"_ Darsor snapped as his hooves pawed the ground threateningly.

Cadvan didn't even bother to answer his question.

"_I believe that Maerad is alive Darsor,"_ Darsor halted his pawing and stared at him, Imi too, looked at him as if he was out of his mind.

"_You think she's alive and you try to jump off a cliff?"_ Darsor said in disbelief.

Cadvan just looked at him. Darsor felt pity for his dear friend, he was truly out of his mind with grief. No one could have survived that fall.

"_Maerad is alive, I know it, I heard her voice as I walked towards the cliff. My Knowing tells me that she still breaths, she has not crossed the threshold of the Gates of Unreturn. Please, Darsor you must believe me. We have to find her. I believe that she lies at the bottom of the cliff, we can make it there in a day and half if we leave now and hurry." _Cadvans voice was pleading as Darsor looked at him without so much as blinking, he had to believe him.

"_Please,"_ he said softly.

"_Fine then my friend, we will leave, but promise me this: if Maerad is not alive and all we find is a corpse, you will not try to kill, harm, or maim yourself in anyway. Promise me." _

Cadvan couldn't nod his head right away. He hadn't even considered not finding Maerad alive. What if all they found of her was her body? He wouldn't be able to take it.

"_Fine then Darsor, I swear by the Light I hold within in me that I will not kill, harm or maim myself in anyway." _Cadvan said his oath solemnly. He would find a loophole in that promise if he had to. After all, he could just run recklessly into a battle or let a Hull kill him, many would love to claim that they had been the one shed Cadvan of Lirigons life blood.

Darsor eyed him, seeking a lie, but he found none. "_Then let us be on our way."_

Cadvan rushed to start packing up his gear, he was hard put not to just leave everything behind, but he knew that though it would spare time, they might need the equipment.

Soon though, they were traveling back the way they came at a fast pace, it was still snowing and they couldn't rush the way he yearned to, but they were doing the best they could. As he rode upon Darsors wide back, Cadvan thought about Maerad. He would tell her of his love if she did live.

But first, he had to find her.

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**Hello people! I hoped you like this chapter. It took me a while to figure out how to start off Maerads point of view, but I finally did it. Well…..I will say to thanks to those who **_**do**_** take the time to review, as always I appreciate your input! Goodbye!**


	9. Chapter 9

The pain was nothing but a distant memory to Maerad now. She could feel nothing. Was she even breathing? Alas, she did not know.

Oh, how she wished she _could_ feel the throbbing wounds that covered her body, that way she would at least have a tie to this world. As of now, she was drifting further away, and this time she could not pull herself back, she was too weak. Maerad could glimpse a fait light at the end of the dark tunnel. Its distant beauty striking a sweet, high pitch inside Maerads soul. It called to her, begging her to come and rest in its arm, chastising her for leaving the last time she had tread lightly upon these solemn halls. This time she would not be allowed to return to the land of the living.

Maerads heart rebelled, but her body ignored its plea.

The wounds were to severe, and her battered corpse could take it no longer.

And so she continued traveling down the lonely tunnel, destined to never return.

One last word crossed her mind.

Cadvan.

One last picture.

Her dearest friend smiling at her, laughing, as they traveled one last happy journey together, before they had crossed paths with the two Bards, before Darkness had taken root inside Maerads mind, before her eyes changed to black onyx gems, before Maerad jumped.

Before everything fell apart.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan had pushed Darsor and Imi to their fullest, yet it still wasn't fast enough for him. A deep sense of loss kept growing in his soul and he worried that that feeling was a reflection of Maerads life. The cold continued to whip his face, but they were out of the wretched pass. Now that they were surrounded by deep forestry, the elements had less affect then they did while traveling in the open spaces with no trees to hinder the billowing wind. The deeper they went into woods, the more underbrush they encountered, soon Cadvan had to dismount from Darsor and lead the horses, cutting down the thorny obstacles. He chafed at the slow pace.

_How much longer would it take to find her?_ He questioned himself.

He had no idea where she was, he only figured that she would be at the base of the cliff, which is where Cadvan and the horses were working their way towards.

After cutting down a particularly thick shrub, Cadvan glanced up and saw the sleet colored rock, he quickened his step, even as the horsed neighed in protest. Their heads were hanging in exhaustion, even Darsors immense stamina was failing him.

The only thing that kept Cadvan from falling to the ground in a deep slumber, was his rampaging need to find Maerad.

Once they reached the huge expanse of rock, Cadvan halted to take a small sip of methyl, just enough to keep the wariness at bay.

One good thing about traveling beside the cliff was that the path was clearer, trees and plants alike, had trouble getting their roots to grow through the hard stone. His only worry for the horses now was that one of them would throw a shoe, or get a hoof bruised.

Again they started traveling, quickening their already fast pace.

Foreboding grew intense, and worry made him careless and he ended up falling multiple times on the loose rocks. By this time, he had multiple scrapes and cuts lining his calloused palms. He paid them no mind, for they mattered not.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

The scant light was casting shadowy illusions, making Cadvan jump as the wind blew through. Fatigue was ridding his mind of all common sense, a lone leaf, falling down, appeared to be a bat, the trees looked as if they had eyes that tracked his every move.

Insanity was closing in. Cadvan knew that he would have to rest soon, he didn't need to kill himself before he reached Maerad, but then again he didn't need to be too late either.

"_Cadvan, we need to stop and rest for the night, Imi hurt her foot a few hundred feet back and it is already causing her intense pain. I too am tired, and if I were to guess I'd say that you also are dead on your feet and only your will is carrying you forward. You cannot survive on that alone my dear friend, no matter how much you will it," _Darsor spoke serenely and persuadably, trying to get him to see the more rational path.

"_Fine."_ Cadvan said harshly, even as he admitted to himself that Darsor was right.

Cadvan then proceeded to take the saddle and harnesses off of the horses, he set up camp, his movements were jagged, as if barely contained rage poured from his mind into his actions.

As he laid out his bed roll, he thought about how Maerad would be settling down near him and falling into slumber. But, Maerad was not here. And if they delayed much longer, he might never get to see her sleeping face again.

Weariness soon took over and Cadvan fell into a restless sleep. Nightmares chasing him from one horrid picture to the next. He saw Maerads face many times. All of the images were bloody. He saw her frail body battered, dark locks of her thick hair draped inelegantly across her motionless face, as she laid unmoving on the ground. Dead and gone. Every dream, held his fears about just what had become of his love. In one he was forced to watch wolves and other vermin feast on her body, the meat being ripped away from her and carried off, creatures gnawing on pale bones, crunching on them until they reached the marrow.

Darsor and Imi were awakened many times by Cadvan crying out in revulsion. But soon the poignant mumbles stopped and the forest fell into an eerie silence as scant beams of moonlight fell through the canopy of leaves and onto the weary travelers.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan awoke as a golden stream of sunlight made its way through the leaves and streamed down onto his face. He mumbled nonsense sounds as he slowly stood up, awaking just as tired as he had been before he had fallen asleep. Between the nightmares (silently Cadvan shuddered as he remembered the retched dreams) and the rocky ground, he had gotten zero sleep. The horses at least appeared less likely to collapse at any given moment. He really did need to find them some water, but he knew not where to search for a good watering hole.

He rushed to pack up his stuff and saddle the horses with the equipment. At Darsors urging, he quickly scarped down a dry biscuit and took a swig of methyl and then packed it away within easy reach less he need it again.

Again they set off at a fast paste, Cadvan hated pushing Darsor and Imi so, but at the same time he wished desperately that they would hurry.

_We should find her soon_, Cadvan thought, by his calculations they should be close to where Maerad had jumped. It could just be that his heart was misleading him though.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

The sun was beginning to set and they had yet to find a sign of Maerad. Cadvan continued to plow on stubbornly, or maybe a better word would be desperately. He was so sure that they would have found her by now. And yet they hadn't.

Then he saw a dark form on the ground ahead of them, and it didn't look natural. He began running as fast as his weary body would take him. He fell several times as he stepped on the broken rocks and tripped. Yet he just jumped back up and continued on. Faintly he could hear Darsor calling to him, and Imi soon picked up his call. Cadvan didn't catch a word they said, truly he did not care one whit about what they had to say at the moment.

As he neared the fallen form, that was beginning to look like the thin body of a human, he felt multiple emotions build up inside of his throat. Hope. Worry. Desperation. Need. Fear. Panic.

A small bronzed beam of light fell on the figure.

Cadvan froze.

_Maerad._

He was frozen in place.

Staring with dismay at the scene set before him.

Dark crimson pools of congealed blood had been splattered across the ground. Staining the rocks and dirt a dark maroon, that would not go away until a heavy rain came and washed it away. Even then, the area would always be tainted.

But _Maerad._

He wouldn't have even known that it was her, the body was so battered and covered in dried blackish blood, if not for the shape of her body and the color of her black hair that trailed all the way down her slim back.

She was so pale.

And she laid on the ground limp, like a child's rag doll.

Cadvan started falling to his knees.

She was dead.

She had to be. No one could spill that much blood and live to tell about it.

No one.

_No one could survive such a fall, _Cadvan thought bitterly to himself, I was a fool to think so.

Darsor had reached him. Imi wasn't far behind.

"_I am so very sorry Cadvan,"_ Darsor whispered with gentleness.

Cadvan did not answer, for he had broken down into wracking sobs. He slowly started crawling towards the body of his dearest friend, his companion, his love. He had to look at her face one more time, no matter how bad it was ruined.

"_Cadvan,"_ Darsor said gently, he didn't believe it to be healthy for Cadvan to see Maerad like this. Darsor couldn't look at his dead friend, and Imi stood stock still, as if she had become stone. The coppery smell of blood was burned into his nose. Maerads life blood.

Cadvan had reached the body and with tenderness he turned her over and laid her head across his lap, all the while tears streamed down his face and gently fell onto the pale, lifeless face.

Then Cadvan gasped.

He had seen her lips move, and it was not his imagination giving life to what he willed. Quickly he rested two fingers across her wrist, searching for the small movement that would show her pulse, telling him that in fact, she did live.

He found nothing.

Rapidly he moved his fingers to her neck.

Nothing….then he felt it, that slight pulsing just under the surface of her snowy completion.

Joy flooded his veins.

But it was short lived, she could die at any moment, less he do something to help her.

Cadvan steadied himself and mentally prepared to perform the most important healing he had ever attempted.

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**So? What did yah think? Ah, this chapter took a bit of thinking, sorry if it's not as good as it could be, but it was really late when I started writing it. Well, tell me what you thought about it! Goodbye!**


	10. Chapter 10

The light pulled her closer to it. So close was she to touching its cold beauty. Slowly, Maerad stretched her hand forward, ready to grasp its golden hand, only to feel reluctance pull her back.

A strangely inhuman voice rose, blocking off Maerad's thoughts. The song was not exactly alluring, but hypnotic, putting her into a trance that she could not escape.

_Come to me_

_And you shall see_

_What my arms can offer_

_I will keep your soul sealed safe inside an iron coffer._

_Relax into my bronze embrace_

_Forget the distant space_

_You are mine_

_And mine alone_

_Our body's will entwine_

_True hearts shown_

_Will love be known?_

_Come to me…_

The simple, rhyming ballad carried a perplexing grey fog into her mind. All she could hear was that song, even as she willed herself to walk away, her feet took her before the hand.

_Destined to remain in my domain_

_Tears fall like spring rain_

_You shall not leave again_

_My little wren_

_I told you not to wonder away_

_Yet you refused to stay_

_Instead you returned to your mortal friend_

_His neck is one I shall joyfully bend_

_He called you to him_

_And you went_

_Leaving my halls all the more dim_

_My mind now bares a bloody rent _

_Come stand by me…_

Maerad's mind was spinning wildly, would this song ever end? With every verse, she was brought closer to the outstretched palm, it seamed to be beckoning to her.

Then something interrupted the retched singing.

"_Elednor,"_

The voice was one she recognized, and she turned toward it, she did not wish for Cadvan's great presence to grace these darkened halls. His soul was too pure, too kind, and too full of love, to come here. But at the same time she willed him to walk out of the cloaking shadows and take her hand. Cadvan's comfort was always soothing, he knew how to quell her overwhelming fears.

No one else had ever cared enough do so.

"Cadvan?" she questioned out loud, the spellbinding song was fading, its voice only an echo. It also seamed as if the light was growing farther and farther away.

"_Come back to me,"_ Maerad was trying to go back to him, but she couldn't. Yet, he kept up his persistent calls, and she found herself retracing earlier, more disturbing steps. It was as if time was moving backwards, and Cadvan's words were growing more powerful.

She could see now, where the tunnel began, and where it ended.

Two different paths, two highly altered endings.

Which would she choose to follow?

She knew very well which was right for her.

But would she actually follow it?

`O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan called to Maerad, but he did not know if she heard him or not. Several times he had felt something stir within her, but he couldn't help wondering if it was the soulless being who was responding to his call. One of the first things he had noticed as he inspected Maerad, was her eyes were back to their gorgeous shade of blue, yet at the same time they were empty of all feeling.

The eyes were the looking glasses into the soul. So if hers were empty, did that mean that the very essence that made Maerad, Maerad, was gone?

Ruthlessly, he shook away such melodramatic thoughts.

_She would be fine._

Cadvan called out to her again, as he sent his healing prowess's into her battered body. He began stitching up all the lacerations covering her pale skin. Though he could heal the physical wounds, he was more worried about just what Maerad had suffered mentally.

_Would she be the Maerad I know and love? _Alas, Cadvan knew not.

This time Maerad's small, limber hand moved, she was coming back into consciousness.

"Maerad?" this time he spoke aloud, instead of calling out to her silently. Hoping desperately that it would some how pull her in the right direction.

Eyelids fluttering, Maerad of Pellinor opened her eyes for what seemed like the first time in weeks. They were not the disturbing black. They were not empty either, they held confusion and drowsiness, as if she had not had enough sleep.

"Maerad," Cadvan whispered roughly, he then pulled her into his arms.

"Cadvan?" Maerad felt highly disoriented, then she felt tears that were not her own, fall onto her face, their coolness washed away some of her dreariness.

"Cadvan? What's wrong?" She hadn't seen Cadvan cry, not since Dernhil was murdered.

Cadvan just held her all the tighter. Lost for words.

The horses kept their distance, too private was the intense moment between the Bards, that they dared not interfere. But both Imi and Darsor, were filled with passionate relief to see Maerad breathing.

Maerad tried to pull away, so as to look into Cadvan's dark, sapphire eyes and confront him directly.

Cadvan let her pull away, even as the thought that she did not wish to be near him, cut him deeply.

"What is wrong Cadvan? Why are you crying like the world is about to end?" Maeread's voice was soft and airy. Weakened by her ordeal, no doubt.

Considering how to best answer her question, Cadvan remembered how he had sworn to tell her of his love if he found her. Now was as good of time as any.

"I cry because as far as I am concerned Maerad, the world did end. It was gone as soon as you disappeared from my life. Never have I cared for someone as much as I care for you. And when you jumped from that cliff, and were, as far as I knew, gone, my heart went with you," gently he stroked her smooth, satiny cheek. As she opened her mouth to speak, he gently hushed her by placing his finger upon her lips.

"I know you most likely do not love me, but I love you, and if you wish for me to leave, then I will," Cadvan's heart constricted at the thought, but she needed to realize that he would never force himself upon her, or make her uncomfortable. "But I do love you, Maerad, both as a friend….and more. And I am oh so very sorry for treating you the way I did, I know that it may seam as if I didn't care then, but I did, I,"

Cadvan stopped his rambling as Maerad closed her eyes. She was stunned by Cadvan's admission.

And even more shocked by the way her heart had reacted, for she did love Cadvan of Lirigon, more than she knew, her soul flew at his deep words.

Slowly she opened her eyes and placed her palm against his face, much the same as he had placed his upon hers.

"Never will I tell you to leave Cadvan. I wouldn't be able to take it. And it is not you who should be apologizing, but me. I treated you horribly, the way I acted…" Maerad couldn't say a word about what she had done, instead she settled for, "I never meant to fall into such evil. I can only pray for your forgiveness. For all that it matters, I love you too, both as a friend and more," both Maerad and Cadvan smiled as she repeated his words, but Maerad's grin quickly faded, "But Cadvan…I do not deserve your love, you are too kind, too full of the Light. Look at me, I am not pure, my actions have proved that."

"No." Cadvan's voice had darkened and became earnest, "Do _not_ say that. You are a being of the Light, you have proved that time and time again. Besides everyone makes mistakes, I know that I have," here Cadvan looked intently into her eyes, "All that matters, Maerad, is that you know right from wrong, and you try your best to follow the right. Do not tell me that you are evil and unworthy of my love, for it is not true." his eyes and voice had softened, Maerad still looked at him doubtfully, but it had all hit Cadvan, _she said she loves me._ Soon, Cadvan was smiling widely, his grin was infectious, and Maerad's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Just what are you grinning about?" Maerad asked in mock sternness, a smile dancing at the edges of her mouth..

"You. Everything about you makes me smile, for everything about you bring joy to my mind, just seeing your beautiful face is enough to brighten any mans day. And I am proud that I am that man. Your mind, you quick intellect, your singing, with suck clarity does you voice paint a landscape for a story. The little things that make you, you. Gazing up at the star, Ilion, at the start of every morning, and when your thick hair flies into your face, you try stubbornly to blow it away, before actually reaching up and knocking it away in agitation. Ah, the list goes on forever….I do believe that you have made me the happiest man on this earth," slowly, as if asking for her permission, or waiting for her to pull away, he took her into his arms and he never wanted to let her go.

Cadvan sighed deeply into her hair, "To think that I almost lost you before I ever even had you….the past few days have been the most torturous I have ever lived through," his voice was deep and soft….throbbing with sorrow over what he had almost lost.

Love.

"Cadvan, please don't cry," Maerad pleaded softly, she saw light reflect dimly off of his wet cheeks, "I'm still here, I'm here for you and for as long as I shall breathe, I always will be." Maerad whispered heartfelt nothings, murmuring of her love for the man whose heart was so deeply entwined with hers.

He gazed into her eyes, his midnight blue meeting her sky blue in complete understanding.

Slowly Cadvan lowered his head and gently kissed her temple, her cheeks, her nose, her chin, the tops of her fluttering eyelids, lastly he lowered his mouth to hers, gently kissing her with as much passion as he could without scaring her. To his surprise she responded, mouth moving against his.

One of the horses pawed the ground restlessly, they were very glad about Maerad being alive and her and Cadvan finally admitting their feeling to each other, but they were both thirsty and hungry. Reunions could wait.

Reluctantly, Cadvan and Maerad broke their kiss. Maerad rested her head shyly against Cadvan's shoulder, and softly told him, "I love you," Cadvan wrapped his arms around her, cradling her head lovingly against his shoulder.

"I love you too, with all my heart and soul."

Soon they stood, Maerad leaning tiredly against Cadvan, trying not to fall. He halted after she tripped, and with care, lifted her into his arms as if she weighed nothing. He planted a soothing kiss upon her forehead, and Maerad smiled drowsily, mouthing the words that she hadn't dared utter to anyone who wasn't related to her by blood, _I love you._

Cadvan replied like wise, but Maerad didn't hear, she had fallen into a deep sleep. Even though he knew it most likely impossible, he hoped that her dreams and her life held no more sorrow. Carefully he settled Maerad upon Darsor's back, and he settled behind her sleeping form, they would look for a more suitable camp site.

Off into the darkening light they rode, two silhouettes that fit perfectly. Two souls forever meant to be side by side, two hearts tied together to make one.

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Okay, what did yah think? I know it's not a fantastic beginning, I was sorta-kinda in a bad mood when I wrote it. I ended up killing my knee at my last track meet and had to be pulled out of the 4x2 relay and the throwers relay. No fun for me, I only got to do two of my events. And my favorite was the one I didn't get to do. Oh, well it's getting better now and I have gotten over it, I just felt bad for leaving my team hanging, and I should still be able to compete…so I'm all good. Hmmm. I have no clue what I'm going to write now, I have some ideas…but who knows? I just reread my story, and am I paranoid, or did hands seem to be a theme this time around? Ugh, I don't know, if I try to change it, I'll end up writing an entirely new story. Grrrr. I hate it when I start getting paranoid, that song, ummmm, Somebody's Watching Me, starts running through my head. So not cool people! Oh well. La-da-dee-la-da-day! Bye-bye! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Okay people, I decided that Maerad and Cadvan's story wasn't over yet in Falling Into Shadows. Can't help it, it just seemed…lacking? I really would go back and redo the WHOLE story, but that might take awhile…between my friends, school, cross country, and writing on , time is sorely lacking. Oh yeah, I'm also driving now. Isn't that jus' the coolest thing? No, not really, but still, TIME MANAGEMENT IS SO NOT MY THING!!!! And I made the stupid mistake of taking honors classes….I don't even know how I managed to get into them….huh. Yeah, I'm a full blown procrastinator, but I love it!!! Don't know how I pass, but I do! So good for me!**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

Maerad was fighting sleep, trying to cling to consciousness and sadly failing at that goal. She desperately wanted to bask in the warmth of Cadvan's arms that were at the moment carrying her, but the pull of sleep on her body was too strong to fight and she began to dream…

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

_Maerad was looking down a man whom she did not know, he was tall and muscled and….cold. His eyes were a piercing black, as was his hair, and he was yelling at a short, brown haired man who stood in front of him. That man was cowering, visibly blanching at the hateful words being bellowed at him, words Maerad did not understand. __The yelling man approached the other, hand raised, ready to deal out a blow to the man cowering before him. But right as he swung his arm, the man said something that froze the blow in mid-air._

_Quickly, the shorter man began to talk, hastily trying to save himself from a beating. The formerly yelling man was now speaking in quieter tones, but the words were no less vehement._

_Soon the man was dismissed, he left bowing, and nodding his head, brown locks flipping over to cover his eyes. The other stayed in the room, glaring at nothing in particular….then his gaze shifted to Maerad's, and fear coursed through her body in wracking waves._

"_Maerad of Pellinor, also known as Elednor," something stirred within Maerad at the use of her True Name, "Come to _me_." his black eyes didn't waver and Maerad felt lost…she had to go to that man, no matter the cost…_

_She had to, even if it meant losing her life._

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

"Maerad? Maerad, wake up." Cadvan's voice was urgent, but quiet, and Maerad stirred restlessly, couldn't he let her sleep? She had to go to the man!

"Maerad." Cadvan began nudging her shoulder and she opened her eyes and began to ask him what was wrong when he shoved his hand over her mouth and shook his head. Then he pointed just a little ways off, two riders cloaked in darkness, just mild blotches in the night. Maerad's eyes widened and she glanced at Cadvan, looking for answers.

"They're just traveling I believe," he whispered quietly, his breath just a slight stirring in the otherwise still air, "nothing to fear." Maerad nodded her head at his words but something was stirring inside of her, a yearning. She had to go towards the black, featureless creatures wandering the road in the streaming moonlight. Her feat had to dance on the fog blanketing the icy ground, she had to get to those creatures of the Dark.

Deftly, she began to push herself off the ground, her eyes focused solely on the cloaked figures, but before she had even risen to her knees, someone grabbed her and pulled her roughly back to the ground.

"What are you doing?" a mans words were carried to her ears, but they made no sense, it was just a disruption, something to be ignored. Again, she tried to go toward the beings that dared to ride openly in the frosty night air and again she was held in place. Anger began to build inside of her, it burnt the edges of her mind with its passion.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

Cadvan's heart clinched when he saw Maerad attempting to stand, it was almost as if she were drunk, her body weaving and movements unsteady. But that wasn't what worried him, what was haunting his mind was the fact that she was trying to stand at all when she knew that Hulls were approaching steadily on their ragged, unwilling steeds. Without thinking, he pulled her down quickly, his mind wasn't thinking about the fact that she could still be in pain from her fall.

"What are you doing?" he whispered while worry pounded his heart ruthlessly, he looked franticly into her eyes, checking to see if they were once again a soulless black, but no, they were still that sharp crystalline blue, reflecting brightly in the moonlight. Though that comfort was there, fear still resided in his heart, for those eyes where empty, focused yet not, seeing but blind, yes, they were Maerad's eyes, but at the moment, it was not Maerad looking through them.

Maerad tried to stand once again and Cadvan jerked her back down. What was wrong with her, he asked himself silently and of course, he received no answers. He tried frantically to meld his mind to hers, but was repelled violently by an on slot of power, it felt as if bolts of lightning had taken root under his skin and was slowly roasting his flesh.

"Maerad…" Cadvan murmured, his deep baritone voice that was always so strong, so soft and so full of love and iron determination was ripped of its beauty with Maerad's name. And even though he was suffering, he would not let Maerad go, he continued to hold her tight.

O-x-O-x-O-x-O

That fierce yearning was building inside of Maerad, she had to get to the cloaked servants of the man who called to her in her dream. They would take her to him, she knew beyond a shadow of doubt that they would.

But she couldn't get to them, something or someone was holding her back. It was as though she was melded the ground…well whatever bond it was, she would destroy it. Fire threaded itself through her veins, begging for release, pleading to demolish whatever it was that was holding its mistress still. And when something that didn't belong tried to breach through her shields and to her mind, she let the building power go with a blessing.

The energy danced aggressively at the invader, striking out and assaulting trespasser. And even as the intensity of the powers deadly dance increased, whatever it was that held her would not release her, if anything, its hold got tighter. She looked out at the shadowy figures, they were becoming slight specks, they were leaving her behind. As she struggled desperately to stand, her eyes stayed melded on the riders, soon the night blended in with their dark cloaks and they could no longer be seen, yet her gaze traced the path that they would most likely be taking. But as time wore on, the need to go after the riders drifted away.

"Cadvan?" she said shakily, not quite knowing what happened, yet guessing it had not been good. She got no answer. Again she called out Cadvan's name; no reply could be heard. She tried to stand, but was held back by something, she looked down and saw Cadvan's arms wrapped around her tightly. Relief flooded her mind while at the same time a new panic began to build. If he was so close, and could hold her so tightly, why wasn't he answering her?

"Cadvan?" she questioned, shaking him gently, turning her body so that she could see his face, a low moan escaped his lips, his eyes were shut.

"Cadvan, answer me, please," Maerad said, but she got no answer, and a thought began building in her mind, one that hurt deeply, but seemed to be true.

She could not remember what happened…

Cadvan was hurt…

Had she done this?

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

**Hey, what's up? Hah, I just couldn't quite let this story go, and with the encouragement of the wonderful Aqua-lily6, I finally got back to writing it! Hah, now I just need to make time…ugh, I hate clocks and time in general, I HATE deadlines, and I hate stupid honors classes!!!! I don't think I hate cross country yet, but I think I'm going to soon sense it'll take up A LOT of time, seriously, we have to run, like, AT LEAST SIX FREAKING MILES A DAY!!! And that's not counting sprints…. Okay….yeah, I'm jus' going to go away now…I have things to do….umm, goodbye and ROCK ON!!! **


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